my family used to have this sort of abstract watercolour painting up in our dining room, it was there as early as i can remember, and i always hated it. one day when i was like ten my mom came up to me, and i guess handed me something but i dont remember what, and she was like “can you put this on the shelf, by the bird painting?”
and i was like “..the what?”
and she was like “the painting of the bird on the branch. can you put it there” and she pointed to the abstract painting
and i was like “how is that a bird”
and she said “well what do you think it is?”
and was like “it’s a beached whale with a giant eye, blowing blood out of its blow hole onto the legs of a guy who’s running away”
..and i guess my mom thought that was like funny or weird or something so she told my dad about it, and he immediately said “oh, you mean the reindeer painting?”
Item: Shoes of Tentacular Clambering, with dextrous living tendrils that allow the wearer to walk as if wearing elegant heels on any terrain, plus a grappling-kick attack.
To be totally fair to Willy Wonka, at least a couple of those candy factory casualties involved kids deliberately circumventing reasonable safeguards, sometimes aided and abetted by the parents who were supposed to be supervising them. What happened is at most 60% his fault.
on the 5th day of Christmas my true love gave to me five golden rings
on the 6th day of Christmas I realized my true love is Sauron and he does not share power, I think these birds he gave me are spying on me, and he chopped down my pear tree after like the third day??
This reminds me of the best tweet of the holidays:
seven swans to rule them all,
six geese to find them,
five gold rings to bring them all,
and in the pear tree bind them
